Cordula,

Our date for drinks on Friday turned into much more. I liked the club you introduced to me very much. It was not like any club I’ve ever been to. It was not so loud or intrusive like clubs can be. It was nice. Calm. You danced well. The food was delicious. I…

I must confess that my hand trembles as I write. The words in my mind feel muddled and nonsensical. The above is just drivel. Forgive me.

Maybe this will work.

My whole life I’ve been caged. A tunnel-like cage built by others; others who aimed me like a weapon at their own purposes. All I’ve ever been able to do is move forward toward whatever it is the tunnel is pointed at. Even when I found love, she was in the tunnel with me.

It’s been like this until I met you. Meeting you has given me feelings I’ve never felt. It’s as if you dance outside of the tunnel, tempting me to break free and join you. As if I don’t have to be bound to someone else’s end, but bound to you? You’ve taught me already, in such a short stretch of time, that perhaps the parts of me that have died to lost loves are gone, but that doesn’t mean that new parts of me cannot grow in the holes that they left.

If that is all that I gain from our dates and these letters, then that is enough. I don’t think that I should see you anymore. At least not until I’ve found my way out of this tunnel on my own. I clearly have some issues and the pressure to heal or fix me should not be placed solely on you. If you would, please respect this request. If I cannot break my cage without you, I am not fit to be with you outside of it.

My work is in consulting; my favorite flower used to be the rose but is now the snowdrop.

I am sorry,

Amelia